Capitalistmas Tree

Originally posted to The Student Room forum, here, in which we asked posters to vote on which is the better of the two Capitalistmas trees.

People of TSR,

Please take just a couple of minutes to examine the two trees, and vote for the better one, according to these criteria:

1. How coherent it is (in terms of colours and materials).
2. How well it portrays ‘Capitalistmas’.
3. Quality of materials.
4. How aesthetically pleasing it is.

The Plastic Tree
Everything about this Capitalistmas tree represents the true spirit of this time of the year: man-made, flashy, in-your-face consumerism. It features Austrian economists Frederick Hayek and Ludwig Mises, champion of laissez-faire capitalism Ayn Rand, founder of free market economics Adam Smith, and successful capitalists Steve Jobs, Craig Venter and Colonel Sanders. The centre features a pinecone decoration that was actually procured via trade with my competitor — a exchange of items for mutual gain.

I argue that a fake tree is better for the following reasons:
– It does not die and shed.
– It can be reused every year — saving you money and enhancing the tradition.
– It can be wrapped up or dismantled and stored in a small space.
– It’s light and portable.
– Its branches can be bent any way you like, to ensure maximum aesthetic experience and lack of ’empty’ patches. It also means that you can bend them around decorations which may be impossible to put up otherwise.
– The leaves aren’t sharp and don’t prick you. You could hug this tree and it’d be fine. (Note: Due to risk of collision with decorations, hugging your Capitalistmas tree is not recommended.)

The Real Tree
What’s great about this tree is that it seems to have grown straight out of the ground from a Capitalistmas seed. The colours are in harmony not only with each other but also with the tree itself. They are the colours of anarchocapitalism (black and gold) as well as actual currency (green and silver). This tree is down-to-earth, literally and metaphorically. Perhaps the most striking example of this is the real-money ornamentation. A subtle wire garland wraps itself around the stem, rising gradually to the top of the tree. (See what I did there.)

This tree represents not vulgar consumerism, a fad that dies within the decade, but the real, piecemeal prosperity and flourishing that occurs when men are free to grow their own.

A real tree is better because:

– It’s traditional. As Hayekian capitalists we should value tradition.
– Real trees smell marvelous, adding a whole new sensual dimension to the magic of Capitalistmas.
– It looks better. The pine needles and branches are more shapely, and the shade of green tends to be more attractive.
– It can be thrown away afterwards without guilt, so one doesn’t have to keep a space in the cupboard for the tree. (The cost is insignificant, unless you’re an impoverished Trotskyite.)

My competitor is wrong to think that real Christmas trees are ‘sharp’. In fact the pine needles have rounded tips, and I have not once been pricked or otherwise made uncomfortable by a Christmas tree’s branches.